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Self-appreciation: The Key To Living A Life Of Joy

By Gwen Nyhus Stewart

How do you appreciate yourself? Or do you? Did you learn that being good to yourself was selfish? If you said 'No' were you bad? If you praised yourself or were praised, were people afraid you might get a 'swelled head'? Most of us get the message loud and clear that praising ourselves or others would lead to 'becoming conceited' or 'slacking off.' The tragedy of this belief is that, in fact, the very opposite is true. What you pay attention to expands. Self-appreciation and appreciation of others is based on love and acceptance. In other words, as I am willing to love me, I am capable of loving you.

Much of what we say and do is called 'constructive criticism.' This means I tell you something supposedly for 'your own good.' What actually happens is that I judge what you do and say based on 'should' then I tell you how to 'do it right.' In other words, criticism is destructive and leads people to feelings of inadequacy: love and acceptance lead to feelings of self worth. Remember: the most important task you have is loving and accepting yourself.

What is Self-appreciation?

Self is defined as the entire person of an individual while appreciation is defined as a judgement or evaluation; an expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude. Self-appreciation is about saying: 'I accept myself exactly as I am.' It is about acknowledging our unique gifts and knowing within each of us is a highly creative, skilled being just waiting for discovery.

Self-appreciation is not about putting others down or thinking yourself better; it is about loving ourselves the way we are and in turn loving others the way they are. Remember: I can only accept and love you if I am willing to love and accept myself and acknowledge my own self-worth.

What does Self-appreciation mean?

Self-appreciation has a number of components, which include self-worth, self-approval, self-esteem, self-love, self-acceptance, and self-respect.

Self-worth means that I know I have value. I have value because I exist. I do not have to do anything or be anything to be worthy. The fact that I am an integral part of Creation means that I am here for a purpose. My purpose is to contribute my uniqueness to the planet and to the community and family in which I live.

Self-approval means approving of myself the way I am. It means I don't criticise or judge myself ever. I know that I am doing the best I can at this moment. I am not here to be perfect, rather; I am here to contribute my uniqueness to the planet and to learn the lessons. I am perfect the way I am and my judgements of myself are only my beliefs and opinions, and beliefs and opinions can be changed.

Self-esteem means believing in my value. I know at the core of my being that I have value because I am here as a part of the Creation. I know that I have the right to follow my own path without the approval of others. I honour and trust that I have a right to be treated with love and respect. I have a right to say 'No' and establish boundaries that are healthy for me even though other people may get upset. I know that when I establish healthy boundaries other people are empowered to do the same.

Self-love means love of self. Self-love is the process of dissolving the inner conflict of shame and guilt and learning to love myself again for just who I am. It means that I know that I am not flawed or defective as a human being; I know at the core of my being that I am a spark of God's consciousness. I am here to learn about being human and all of the joy and wonder that entails. I know that as I love myself unconditionally, I am able to love you unconditionally and I give us both the gifts of healing and peace.

Self-acceptance means the willingness to honour my journey; to know that my past and my unique way of being in the world have contributed to becoming the person I am right now. In other words, I surrender my need to be perfect and accept that my purpose in being here is to learn about love of self and others; that as I love me, I am capable of loving you; and that what I won't give to myself, I am unable to give to others.

Self-respect is a proper respect for oneself as a human being. Self-respect is about living responsibly. It means determining and clarifying what my own personal value system is and acting on a daily basis in accordance with that value system. Self-respect means standing by my deepest truths and knowing my innermost feelings. It means that I stop blaming others and own my own power; that I don't live in situations that belittle me or make me wrong; that I place value on myself, my time, and my feelings. Before one can have respect for another, there must first be self-respect.

In the final analysis, as the Dalai Lama states, "The purpose of our lives is to be happy."

Happiness in my mind equates with joy. The joy, without which all other joy is diminished, is joy in one's self. Self-pride and self-joy are as vital to the individual as are air and water. Self-appreciation is the cornerstone in determining one's health, one's success, and one's abundance and prosperity in both our public and our private lives.

Practical Steps to Self-appreciation

1. Declare your uniqueness. There will never be another you; another who is exactly like you; another who will make a contribution to the planet in exactly the way that you do.

2. Look for the things you like about yourself. Write them down and then focus on one thing a day, e.g. 'I am competent' or 'I am creative' or 'I am now creating my ideal life.'

3. Forgive yourself. The past is over; know that you were doing the best you could with your level of knowledge and understanding at that time.

4. Use affirmations to remind yourself of your sacredness. Put them on the fridge, mirrors, wherever, to remind yourself that you are unique. For example, 'I like and appreciate myself,' 'I am a loveable, valuable person and deserve the best life has to offer.'

5. Read books that inspire you. Books such as daily meditations, thoughts for the day, sayings and quotations from inspirational leaders set the tone for creating an attitude of joy and/or peace before you start your day.

6. Practice an 'attitude of gratitude.' We have created much to be thankful for, our health, our abundance, and our freedoms. Carry a small notebook with you and write down everything that you are grateful for all day long. You will be amazed at all the blessings in your life - your friends, your family, your job, your warm home, the fact that you don't have to worry about stepping on landmines or getting your head blown off as you step out a door.

7. Be true to yourself. Live the life you have envisioned for your self. Don't look to others for approval; look within, and you will find it all.

Remember:

“This is your dream. You might as well have it be the one you want.” - Alan Cohen

“Begin what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a

snowflake.” - Merle Beyon Ray

“Think highly of yourself because the world takes you at your own estimate.” - Unknown

(This article is an excerpt from my book, The Healing Garden: A Place of Peace. See Chapter 3, Forgiveness, pages 21 – 30 for more information about self-appreciation and forgiveness.)

See Inside The Book for Introduction and Chapter Information.

Buy the book here: Books.

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