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November 2007
Yucca
Detachment and
Grief
Question: Yucca
Hi!
Thanks
for making such a great website! I
browsed several looking for information on the care of yucca canes &
yours was the best. I learned a lot
about them and I have one because I love the spirited look it has. I named it
"spike"! I live in
Minnesota and was worried about my yucca dying from lack of sunlight in the
winter. We have spells where sunlight
doesn't come around for awhile. Would
special lighting (uv bulbs?) help maintain my plant's growth during this
time? Thanks again & best
regards.
Answer:
Thank you very much for contacting me and your kind words
about my website.
I like the name 'Spike.'
I have a yucca, as well, and have not worried about the lack of
sunlight in the winter, as it has not been a problem for my plant. Our
winters are comparable to yours, in terms of sunlight, and I have never
provided additional light. The growth of the plant will slow down but it will
not be affected adversely. During low-light periods, allow 3/4 of the soil to
dry down between waterings.
In the summer, when it is warm enough to place outside, I do
so making sure the plant is not in the hot sun; rather in partial shade
(early morning sun is great) as the leaves will burn if the sun is too hot
and shines directly on the plant. If you are unable to place the plant
outside, it will do well in an east, south, or west-facing window.
(For more detailed information
about Yucca – Spineless Yucca (Y. elephantipes), see http://www.gwenshealinggarden.ca/Indoor_Gardening_Foliage_Plants.htm)
Question: Detachment and Grief
I've been a student of Science
of Mind since 1980. I noticed you mentioned "detachment" in
your email. I understand the idea of removing yourself emotionally from
the "situation," but I've recently run into a problem in expressing
grief with the transition of close family members. I think that other
family members may feel that I do not "understand" the grief of
others or that I just don't feel or appear to be grieving. That, of
course, is not the case at all. What do you say to a sister-in-law who
has lost her sister? I have lost her too, but I am at a loss to express
my grief/condolence in a way that is meaningful to my family members.
Any ideas on this? Thanks.
Answer:
Thank
you for contacting me. In answer to your question related to detachment
and grief, I am going to divide the subject into two areas.
1) The
Law of Detachment says that in order to acquire anything in the physical
universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. I understand this to
mean that you visualize what you want and then turn it over to the universe
to take care of the details.
2)
Grief is defined as 1) emotional suffering caused by or as in bereavement; 2)
a cause of suffering.
Because there are very
distinct differences between the two concepts, I am not sure how the
detachment component affects the grieving that you are doing. An example of
detachment would be a relationship where you are allowing the other person's
behaviour to affect your emotional ability to function. In
Alcoholics Anonymous, they teach detachment when the spouse etc. has an
emotional investment in what the alcoholic (drug addict, etc.) does about
their problem. An example would be making excuses for why somebody
doesn't show up for work, school, etc. Another example would be wanting
money or another physical object and obsessing about it. What happens
is the act of obsessing actually provides resistance to obtaining the objective.
AA uses a phrase that explains this concept. It is "Let Go and
Let God."
In
the situation where you want to express your grief and show your support, the
emotional expression of care for your sister-in-law might be crying with her,
if that is honest and real for you. Would it be appropriate to tell her
that you don't know what to say? In the grief work I do with people, I
stress that saying you don't know what to say or not saying anything at all,
can be a way to convey your caring. Sometimes people have found that a
hug or just being there physically is enough. You can also tell your
sister-in-law how much you miss her sister and share your feelings with her
depending on the relationship you have with her.
In a
nutshell, I think the best way to differentiate between detachment and grief
is: detachment means letting go at an emotional level the outcome of the
situation and trusting the universe to deliver what it is you want; grief is
emotionally experiencing and sharing the grief with those that you are
connected to.
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